2. if i have a cat

if i have a cat...

well..actually i do have a cat..
adopted i mean..

it just an usual cat, street dirty cat, but his whole family live in my terrace house for their live so my family 'non-officially' adopt them as a part of my house and feed them twice a day with rice and half raw fish or milk.

one with white-grey fur unnamed, but we call him "si putih", and specially for me, "si cakep" cz he really that handsome for me..

he is really big for his street-usual-cat type u know...

how handsome...

and the other one with unclear fur (random mix of black - yellow- white - grey) called "buluk", sometimes "buduk", sometimes "budek"...

well, it seems rude to call an innocent cat with that name but she does dirty..i mean, her fur makes her looks unhealthy with fur disease... :p

and she is deaf..thats why we call her "budek"..

she really deaf!

she can't hear when car come and sometimes after car hit her leg, she will run with terrible frighten meoww. another reason why we call her "budek".

she always sick. she got diarrhea every week and her poop just drop everywhere. so disgusting. plus she often get flu and sneezing. we know we should bring her to doctor but everytime we want to pick her, she run away.

yeah, she just usual-street-cat afterall...

i do have an adopt cat and i love them..

a part of my house...one of my family member... :)

1. something i really regret

gee...when i read this challenge, one word pop up in my mind:
SOCA!!!!
arrrrggghh...

i failed!! in SOCA!!
n failed to get my precious holiday to Malang with no cost (since that trip supposed to be my gift for passed that damn SOCA)..
ciiiih....

i really regret my self...
why oh why i didnt study that hell pneumothorax better...
arghhhhh...


fucking pneumothorax!!!!! *mad*

challenge from tumblr

actually i found this challenge from tumblr..it supposed to be use in tumblr..
but my tumblr ( onlydest.tumblr.com ) just made for picture and something like that..not a bunch of words, so i tried to use this challenge in blogspot (with a lil change of course..hehe..)


1. something i really regret
2. if i have cats
3. celebrity crush
4. if i have a boyfriend
5. favorite food
6. sweetest thing someone said to me
7. tell about someone i hate
8. what i did today
9. something i really wanna have
10. favorite drink
11. reason it's been done with my ex
12. 3 people i miss
13. my favorite book
14. biggest blunder ever
15. how i wanna marry later
16. the thing i most insecure about
17. what i would do if i could go back in the time
18. the happiest moment in my life
19. what i would buy if i had one million
20. the last time i cried and why
21. favorite blog on tumblr
22. the reason why i started tumblr
23. something i hate the most about
24. what i am wearing
25. how i feel right now


since it supposed to be do in tumblr (with picture post of course), the question still talk about tumblr (number 21 and 23) but i wanna do it in blogspot so...
yah...just enjoy it anyway...
*cs without challenge this blog really2 empty u know... =.='v


 see ya

around my mental health~

so...

i don't know what i'll post here..haha..
it just feels so weird to see the last post in my blog was around november and it just such a weird schizophrenic dream.. =.='a

so here ia m, write down bout my bipolar and many kinds of mental disease i've..just for review since tha last time i wrote in this blog.. ^^

well..now all of member in my KKD group knows i have bipolar disorder..i told them by my self..
why?
for a simple reason..
cause i dnt wanna have a conflict with them in the middle of KKD..
i mean, this KKD session really hectic with exam everywhere..and if i become so oversensitive bcause of my depressed state, it just will make everything worst..since we all know that my depression state can persist til 1 month, mean my KKD group must resist my annoyed behaviour for 2 state of KKD. it'll be terrible for them and of course for me too. so to make it simple and clear, i just told them.
n now they be more aware if i just sit in the corner, say nothing and sleep (depressed state make me sleep a whole day and wake only 9-10 hours cz i dnt have any energy to do anything except sleep). at least they not make a joke about or around me when i just sit like a sleeping stone at the corner. thats a good part. none will harm then.
the miserable part is when they ask me almost everyday what's my mood now. they said i always smile and it almost impossible to me to get a hipothym. like a hell! of course i have my hipothym. it just i'm too smart to cover it. i mean, i don't want ruin situation with my sulking face like a baby beg from a candy. thats ridiculous. *rolled eyes*

sometimes faking a smile is the most tiring thing you must do when what you want is scream and killed someone.. *LOL
but yeah, it's not a big deal..haha..

and about my anxiety things..
well..it becomes better now..
maybe because the drugs (i got 1,2 gram of mood stablilizer now. what an amount! haha) but i feel fine..
i mean, yeah, sometimes i still get a little anxiety atack but it won't killing me.
it doesnt make me scream or cry uncontrorly...
it just make me a lil worry but it still on a line..
the good part is even in my depression state, i can control my anxiety and thats really good things since my anxiety just make my mood worse and ruin everything.
uuh..i reall love situation like this..n wish i can feel like this even without a drugs... *imagining*

a month ago i got my depression state and it's so irritating..
but it's not as big as previous depression state..maybe it's come bcs my doct tried to decreased my drug dose..
so here i am, with normal drug dose..huhuw...

hope one day i won't depend of the drug to make me smile.. :D